Calvinist Flyswatter

About money offers from abroad

"MONEY COMETH!"

NOTE: I receive several emails -- as you probably do, too -- about money available from overseas sources, especially from Nigeria. Here is a reply which I have sent to some of these sources. You are free to use it if you choose. -- Bob

Dear Widow Brown:

We appreciate the offer, but we are not able to accept it at this time.

It is true, in the past we have been able to assist a number of African and other foreign sources of wealth with their problems of how to handle their financial situation. At one time, we had a large green truck, painted with dollar marks ($$$), canvasing the continent of Africa to pick up large bundles of money. Unfortunately, the driver, Saddam Hussein, absconded with a large load and was later apprehended in a hole in the ground in Iraq. We have not been able to find a replacement for him, so our truck is not currently being used. But that may be just as well, for we really have no room at this time to store the money. We have had our problems, believe me.

For example, a few months ago we airlifted heavy loads of money to the USA in scores of chartered planes but had to toss out several bundles over the Pacific Ocean due to the excessive weight. Still there was so much dangerous overweight, we had to require some members of the crew to bail out to lighten the load. The crew members were all later rescued and are safely home, now living in great splendour from their share of the funds we received. However, they are filing a class-action lawsuit against us for the physical and psychological damages resulting from their experience, which may drain a large amount of the money we have in storage, and this may free-up some of our storage space.

Space to store and properly preserve the money has become such a problem that we have put all offers of African funds on "hold" at this time.

I think we have recently received at least a dozen or more reports of our having been selected either by God or by men to receive large funds, even long after we notified the Lord that we had no more room to store money at this time. We even rented the nearby Astrodome and also the adjacent Astrohall, and were considering trying to buy the Reliant Stadium for more space.

Currently, we have over five acres of money neatly stacked on skids, covered by heavy plastic, on the King Ranch in southern Texas, the only available space we could find large enough to hold our supply of African money. We are currently investigating the possibility of leasing the Baja Peninsula for potential storage space, as there seems to be a lot of open space over there.

Therefore, I suggest you contact Benny Hinn and offer him the money, or you might try Robert Tilton in the Dallas area. There is also Paul Crouch at TBN, needing money to setup more TV stations. Even Michael Jackson might have some use for it, as it appears he may be facing some rather stiff expenses.

Labels: Humour

posted by Bob L. Ross @ 12:32 PM