Calvinist Flyswatter

Crybaby Calvinists - Will Somebody Get Tim Brister A Seat At The Table?

When speaking of Crybaby Calvinists one has to mention Timmy Brister. Timmy has been shamelessly crying for years now about the lack of Reformed Calvinists in the SBC. The Flyswatter will revisit Timmy often as we profile the Crybaby Calvinists but for now let’s look at his whining about not having “a seat at the table.”

In October 2005, when Timmy was but a mere student at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, he emailed his seminary in protest over their inviting SBC President Jack Graham to speak in chapel. Timmy was shocked that the school would invite someone like Graham who did not hold to the extreme-hyper-hybrid-Reformed Calvinism that was taught at Southern. In response, the seminary emailed him back, essentially saying, “Like it or lump it,” and then referred to Timmy’s pitiful blog as being “juvenile” (Apparently, Southern also recognized Timmy as a Crybaby Calvinist).

In his screed against Jack Graham, Timmy said, “If there is any offense and division, it is not from the Reformed side. Time and time again, we have listened and appealed to Scripture, wanting to have transparency and a seat at the table, but this is not allowed.”

Seven months later in May 2006, blogger Timmy was still crying: “Well, the SBC bloggers may not ever get their questions answer or their seat at the table, but in my opinion, they are doing some of the greatest work in the SBC.” Sorry dear reader, I know after reading that you had to pick yourself up off the floor from laughing so hard. Here’s a kid sitting around in seminary housing saying that he is doing “some of the greatest work in the SBC.” Can anyone spell “hubris”?

Then someone spanked this crybaby. I mean really, really spanked him. Responding in general to the Crybaby Calvinists in the SBC, Ergun Caner wrote:

For the past few years, I have become increasingly frustrated as I have watched young preachers turn on our elders. I mourn when I hear of another young minister demand a “seat at the table,” as if leadership was our birthright. I shudder when I read blogs of men who have never grown a single church, or accomplished anything to deserve to have an opinion, criticize those who have toiled the fields of souls, sweat through all-night prayer meetings, and bled on the battlefields of spiritual warfare.

Ouch! That hurt! Did Timmy repent of his ungodly pride? Not a chance! Instead, Timmy picked himself up and sat back down at the keyboard. After crying about having no “seat at the table” on at least two previous occasions, you can almost see the tears falling as he writes in May 2007:

Jeremy Green and others in the short-lived “Joshua Convergence” were saying the same thing last summer. Who are they talking about? Can this charge be substantiated? Perhaps the editors of Baptist Press pulled the wrong editorial piece. Rather than looking for a seat at the table, most young ministers I know are looking for the exit sign, and I can substantiate that. But I suppose Caner was saying things that resonated with the particular audience which approves of such sentiment; therefore, it stands. Isn’t that what has become of the political arena of the SBC?

Timmy Brister: An all-American Crybaby Calvinist.

Charles

posted by Charles @ 1:17 PM