Calvinist Flyswatter

Dueling resolutions at 2008 SBC

ITS THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH
FOR ASCOL -- 2 OUTS, BASES EMPTY

If the "Resolutions" Game at the 2008 Southern Baptist Convention was a Baseball game, the Announcer might be saying something like this when the SBC meets this summer:

"Tom Ascol, the leading hitter for the Flounders, is now coming to the plate. Ascol flied out in his first time at bat, and grounded out the next time up. Since the Flounders have not yet put a man on base against the opponent's pitching staff, this will be Tom's third trip to the plate.

"The opponent is now going to send in their Closer, Malcolm Yarnell. He is regarded by many to be a master of the fastball, curveball, knuckler, drop, sinker, splitter, forkball, screwball, and slider. Some opponents have even accused "Mally" of throwing the 'spitter'! Yarnell faced Ascol once before in a game in North Carolina, and Tom only managed to foul off a few pitches before going down on strikes.

"Now, here we are in the bottom of the ninth, and so far the Flounders have failed to score or even yet put a man on base. Batboy Timmy Brister has just handed Ascol his big black bat on which Tom has notched the nickname, 'Reformed,' and patted Tom on the back, and Timmy seemed to be saying, 'I'm praying for you.'

"Tom Nettles, the Flounders' first base coach is yelling encouragement, as is Phil Newton over in the third base coaching box. Both of them are flashing the same signals, holding up five fingers, which we have come to recognize as the 'hit-away' signal."

How will the game end? Will Tom hit a homer, or will Yarnell close the game out?

For pre-game perspectives and interviews, see here (Ascol) and here (Yarnell).

posted by Bob L. Ross @ 2:41 PM