Calvinist Flyswatter

Breaking rumours from FloundersWorld!

DOES ASCOL PLAN A NEW SEMINARY?

Bob to Charles:

You will remember, Charles, that a couple of years ago I had a friend in the West named "Joe" who kept tabs on the "iMonk's" JoellyLand Tour and "iMonk's" whereabouts when he went on out to Phoenix, Arizona. I have a similar friend in Florida, named "Jack," and he has been sending me reports about the latest rumored developments at "FloundersWorld" in Cape Coral. Here is his latest report:

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Dear Brother Bob:

As I have had opportunity, I have tried to obtain information about what's "in the works" here in FloundersWorld, headquarters for the great Reformation work of Tom Ascol and his fellow Flounders.

To say the least, Brother Tom ("T. A." or "TA" for short) was rather disappointed last year when Tom Nettles decided to stay at SBTS in Louisville. TA really wanted to start a School of Theology with TN as the head theolog, but it fell thru -- at least at that time.

Although TN did not accept the original offer, it is rumored that he did agree that he would keep his options "open" in the future, and would not completely turn thumbs-down on coming to the New Geneva at a future date. TN indicated he would go back to Louisville and see if he could rather clandestinely go about recruiting other SBTS Professors who would conceivably come to FloundersWorld and form a Faculty, and also to even solicit some of his student-disciples to transfer to the new school.

The first step in the Plan, I hear, was announced by TA last week -- the hiring of the prodigious blogger and SBTS student, Timmy Brister, to join TA in FloundersWorld as Associate Pastor. According to the local chatter among these Calvinists, TA sees in TB one who can takeover in the Flounders' Communications Department, especially the Internet ministry which includes the Flounders' web site and blog. TB's blogging experience while at SBTS has demonstrated that he has all the requirements for promoting the interests of Floundersism in the communications field.

TB will also set-up a Bloggers' Conference to be held on the campus of the School of Theology, which will hopefully include many of those names you see in the "links" listed in the margins of most of the Hybrid Calvinist bloggers.

As for the School of Theology itself, plans reportedly call for such things as the following:

Tom Ascol will be the Director of "Projects to Promote Reform Among Southern Baptists." His years as Ernie Reisinger's right-hand man prepared TA very well for this position, and he has had some recent projects which demonstrate his attributes -- the Caners-White Debate, the "Bridge Building Conference," the SBC Resolution on Church Membership Integrity, the $20,000 DVD Project, etc.

TA will also teach (so we are told) a course on "Quiet Revolution" which will show how to go about reforming a Southern Baptist church so as to bring it around to more Presbyterian-like features (infant baptism excepted). The textbook will be Ernie Reisinger's book called A Quiet Revolution, supplemented by Ernie's book, Worship--The Regulative Principle and the Biblical Practice of Accommodation, and Iain Murray's booklet, The Invitation System. A thorough effort will be made to indoctrinate the students against "invitations." This course will include a "field trip" to North Pompano to observe the outcome of the work of reform accomplished by Reisinger at the North Pompano Baptist Church.

Along with the campus Faculty, I hear that a number of guests will be invited to speak at the School of Theology, such as --

R. C. Sproul -- who will give a series on "How the Elect Get Regenerated Before and Without Faith," including "How Covenant Children Get Regenerated in Infancy As Viewed from the truly Reformed Perspective." Sproul will be using Louis Berkhof's Systematic Theology as supplemental reading.

John Frame -- who will assist Sproul by bringing a lecture on "How Covenant Children Get Regenerated Even Before They are Born."

James White -- who will teach "Proper Exegesis of Scripture" and "Debating." Also, James will be asked to arrange for at least 4 on-campus debates with sundry religious leaders during the year so James can demonstrate debating to the student body. I hear that another attempt will be made to get the Caner brothers to participate.

Mark Dever -- who will lead Seminars on "What is the Proper Age for Administering Baptism?" and the "9 Marks of a Reformed Baptist Church."

R. Albert Mohler -- who will be invited to lecture on "The Heresies of Joel Osteen."

Gene Bridges -- who will bring what potentially could be the longest series by any guest, "Everything You Never Read or Knew About Sandy Creek Baptists."

Jim Eliff -- who will bring a series of messages on "Why the Southern Baptist Convention Is an Unregenerate Denomination." Jim is expected to have all the statistical data to back up his conclusions.

Iain Murray of The Banner of Truth will bring several lectures on "Some Things I Know About C. H. Spurgeon that Even Spurgeon Himself Didn't Know."

Tom Nettles, head of the Faculty, will reportedly have a special course on "How to Fellowship With Hardshell Baptists." James White will give a personal testimony durng this course on "Preaching to the Hardshell Baptists."

At least once a year, according to what I hear, James White will arrange for a Reformed Theology Cruise for the entire Faculty and Student Body and all others who wish to purchase a ticket. The Feature Attraction will be James in Debate with Muslim leader, Abdul Malik Muhammed ibn Abdulla -- or whatever his name is. I'm not very well acquainted with Muslim names.

There it is, Brother Bob, the latest hearsay around FloundersWorld, just west of DisneyWorld.

TA has great expectations of making FloundersWorld a veritable "Mecca" of Hybrid Calvinism where the Hybrid disciples can come and cast five smooth stones at Arminius, Pelagius, Wesley, Finney, Moody, Billy Graham, Joel Osteen, Paige Patterson, Johnny Hunt, Frank Page, and other assorted icons of "Arminianism."

That's all for now. Remember, Bob -- you heard it here first!

Jack
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What do you think, Charles? Reckon Jack has a scoop on FloundersWorld?

posted by Bob L. Ross @ 4:12 PM